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1 Year Down...99 To Go

It's my very first Wedding Anniversary! Yay *que champagne pop* Taylor had to work a double shift so we celebrated on Sunday instead. Went and took a little trip to The Old Mill Inn and boy was it fabulous. As I am sitting here in my little cozy home, sipping a green smoothie, Piper chewing away on a bone and the food network playing in the background, I can only take this time to reflect on this past year - knowing that 1 year ago today we made such a huge commitment to one another. 

Marriage is tough. Period. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage. But it takes two people who are committed to making it the best it can be. Don't get me wrong, marriage is the best decision I have ever made - we have learned so much from one another, and it's made us grow into something new, something exciting! I still am such a gitty girl when I get to say the word "Husband"..it makes me feel super grown up haha. I know I am a grown up, but I still refer us to "the kids" and although I have the title as a adult,  I still feel like I'm just getting my feet wet in the adult world. We are both such kids at heart and I feel like that is what keeps our heads up in tough situations. 

In a marriage, what I have found successful over this past year is that we are very vocal with each other. There is nothing we won't say to each other if its how we are feeling - in good moments and in really ugly ones too (but mostly good). When we are happy, we say so, when we are angry, we let it out. It's the best way to always know you are on the same page.

I had to have surgery last October on my nose for a devoted septum. I got in a bike accident when I was a wee one and damaged my nose, so as time went on, it got worse and worse. Finally I got the nerve to take care of it. It was a pretty intense surgery with a heck of recovery. I went into a depression like I didn't ever expect. I had extremely scary thoughts about ending my own life. This is really hard to talk about but I feel like what I went though, maybe somebody else is going though the same thing and its comforting to know its happened to other people. I'm not embarrassed anymore, and nobody should ever feel that way. I didn't look or feel like myself, I felt like I lost who I was. The worst thing that I did was keep those feelings and thoughts to myself. Like I said before, Taylor and I talk about everything and anything - but I didn't believe my head was going in that direction so I kept it to myself. I didn't want anyone to think I was crazy or judge me. That was my worst mistake. Once my mom found me breaking down in the bathroom, I talked to Taylor and her about it and only got unconditional support. Nobody was judging me, nobody thought I was crazy, only offering me help, love and support. And that is what marriage is all about, never judgment. After a couple months there was light at the end of the tunnel. I won't lie, I am still struggling with it, it hasn't completely left me yet - and I'm not sure why. But I am open to talking about it and finding ways that can help me get myself back to the way I was. Taylor is a huge part of that, he now understands when I'm having a moment, to just give me a hug and tell me everything is going to be ok; and I always believe him because he as never steered me wrong. When you have that person to rely on, you get a comforting feeling knowing you aren't alone. Being married to Taylor always reassures me that I have my best friend by my side, for life! 

Marriage has made us stronger. The moment we said "I Do" there was something that changed with us. I looked at him in a way I cant really describe but he was different to me, in an powerful way. No marriage is the same, because no two people are the same. You have to learn how to make the best out of the bad times and appreciate the great times. I wouldn't do this year over again or any different. It's been perfect in my eyes. I love him more than I did a year ago today and I know that in 10 years it'll be that much greater - and I am so excited! 

Happy Anniversary Babe!

"As we grow older, as we continue to change with age, there is one thing that will never change....I will always keep falling in love with you"


Steph xx

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